Birthday Week Update

My birthday is on Saturday, and so far this week is proving to be one of the best birthday weeks ever!  Today I am UBER excited because I officially submitted my thesis.  I uploaded a copy online, ordered a hardcover book copy (which you can bet I am going to carry around with me everywhere for like a year. haha), and am officially done done with everything school related.  My only obligations to UMKC from now until May include grading groupwork assignments and…well that’s about it.  I have a TON of time to hit the jobsearch, and a lot of wiggle room in my schedule to do fun things.  I am so freakin excited right now!

Speaking of scheduling fun things, I am SUPER excited about my birthday party on Saturday.  As long as I’ve been in grad school, my birthday has been on a weekday which means that for 24 I had night class, and for 25 I had to give a presentation.  I did go out to dinner with some friends last year, but it was a small-ish gathering.  This year, I invited some of my Baker friends, some of my UMKC friends, and some of my church friends to hang out at Tomfooleries.  I am more excited about turning 26 than I was about turning 25 (which is saying something because I was really excited for 25) if for no other reason that I am having a big party, I plan on consuming copious amounts of alcohol, and I am going to have a super happy fun birthday, damnit!  What’s even cooler is that a few of my church friends may not be able to make it on Saturday so they’re taking me out for desert tonight, PLUS I get to hang out with one of my oldest and best friends tomorrow night to exchange music on itunes.  My social calendar is on fire, and I LIKE it! 

Part of the reason I’m so excited to have all of these things going on is that I have been a little lonely so far this week.   My mom has been out of town so it’s just been me and Dad at home.  Dad had a community band rehearsal last night so he wasn’t home all evening.  That means that I sat alone in my office grading papers all afternoon yesterday (because no undergrads feel like they need to schedule advising appointments anymore), then I came home, made dinner, Dad was home for 45 minutes and then had to leave for band.  I was all sorts of wierd yesterday.  Having all of these social events to look forward to has helped tame the wierdness a little bit.  My point is, this week is a particularly good week, and it’s only wednesday.

Anyway, I feel like I’m kind of rambling, but I’m kind of all over the place today.  I don’t know what to do with myself now that it’s officially official that I’m done.  Life is moving right along, and the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer and closer.  Thanks for listening, I’ll keep you updated as more exciting things happen.

New Day, New Optimism

I realize that my post yesterday was kind of pensive.  I just need to figure some things out.  So what’s new… After sleeping on it last night, today has actually been quite fantastic.  I got an email this morning that the final draft of my thesis has been approved.  This means that I can upload it.  Rather than making print copies to keep in the library, UMKC now has graduate students post their theses in an online portal so it can be viewed off of the UMKC website.  It’s all very fancy.  I can’t post it just yet, because word on the street is that it actually costs a lot of money to post it and copywrite it.  I’m waiting for my tax refund and then I’m golden.  I knew this day was coming, I knew I was close, but now it’s official and I could not be more excited   I was on campus in my office when I read the email and I literally threw my hands up in the air and did a little thesis dance.  I haven’t been able to stop smiling since 10:30 this morning.  I started my MA in 2009.  THREE YEARS I have been waiting for this day, and it has seemed so distant.  Now that it’s official, now that it is tangible, I am freaking out in all the right ways!

Past experience tells me that on normal days when something really great happens, I am unmotivated to do anything because I am so overcome with excitement.  However, today I have actually done a lot.  I created a profile on LinkedIn, which people tell me is a great resource when it comes to making connections to people in the area and searching for jobs, reccomendations, and resources related to networking.  I updated my resume, and am almost finished with my cover letter for an awesome job listing at Big Brothers and Big Sisters.  I’m planning on sending that out next week.  (I also made headway on plans for my birthday party, which is something that I have been putting off).  Add that to the fact that I don’t have to be on campus tomorrow so I get a 3 day weekend, I am all caught up with my TA responsibilities, my parents are going to take me out to dinner tonight to celebrate, AND it’s Vampire Diaries day, overall it’s a pretty fantastic day. 

Slowly but surely I am figuring out how to stay busy, get things done, work toward new (non-academic) goals.  I still think I have a ways to go before I really feel like a full-fledged adult about my space in life, but I am definately taking steps in the right direction. 

Happy Thursday.

Productive Procrastination of the Future

I feel like I should type up an update, but for the most part the sentiments from my last post still stand.  I am insanely optimistic about my near future.  My thesis is about 2 steps from done done, and now I’m trying to devote some time and energy into the job search. Keyword: Trying.  This week I have fallen victim to a spell of productive procrastination.  After an “informational interview” with my mom’s boss last week about what nonprofit companies look for in a resume and how to get my foot in the door, I have done little to work on the job search.  However, since last week, I have made copies of tests for four different classes, finished grading papers that I only got from my professor on Monday, balanced my checkbook, filed my federal taxes, visited T-Mobile to get a new phone and update my contract, and done a couple of loads of laundry.  I am on campus for a couple of hours today.  A couple of hours when I COULD be adding to my resume or looking at online job listings.  Instead, here I am updating my wordpress blog and twiddling my thumbs.  I don’t understand why I am behaving this way.  I WANT a job.  I NEED a change of pace.  I’m EXCITED to be moving forward.  But instead of focusing my energy on the job search I am finding other things to do that don’t need to be done right away.  What the hell is that about?

I have some theories: First, I am dragging my feet because I tend to have the attitude that when there is a big, daunting project to work on, I should get everything else done so I can devote all of my time and energy to that one project at a later date.  I understand that life does not work this way, and there will always be other, smaller things that need to get done, but in my head having the little things finished opens up more time later to work on the big project.  In my head things work this way, but in reality I am still procrastinating.  Second (and this is the one that I am trying to wrap my head around): Maybe I am just scared.  I have spent so long relying on the excuse that I’m “just a student.”  I don’t know anything except school, retail, and food service.  How the hell am I going to go in to company and tell them I want a job when I have no experience?  Then again, how do I get the experience if I don’t apply for the jobs?  It’s a catch 22, and I don’t think I like it.

So what do I do?  Good question.  Today I think I am going to continue my productive procrastination.  I have to meet with my professor, go to the dentist, and I have a babysitting gig this evening.  Tomorrow, however, I HAVE to get my resume finished up.  There is no excuse anymore.  If I want to move forward as much as I do, I should be working toward my goal instead of falling back into the warm, comfortable environment of “student.”  You can hold me accountable to that too.  My goal is to start sending out emails and resumes next week.  I need to get my rear in gear and stop this productive procrastination crap so I can work on what really matters…on my future. 

The “future”…  Seems tangible now. Maybe that’s the problem.  My attention span has been focused on the immediate for so long. This thesis has barely been past the end of my nose for an entire semester and now all of a sudden, I can see a future.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have the time to think about the “future.”  I don’t know how to do that.  I have trouble picturing myself as a full-fledged adult because I don’t feel like one yet.  As much as I want to be a “big girl,” being a student living at home with the parents is the only personal experience I have.  I am so naive.  It’s time to take control, damnit!  I have been thinking about all of these things, mulling them over in my head for like a week now, and for some reason typing them out has really made me realize what’s actually going on.  For the first time in a long time, I don’t know exactly what my long and short term goals are.  My future is out there, I just need to decide what it’s going to be.

Wow, I really wasn’t expecting to have so much to say, or for what I had to say to come out so pensive and a little moody sounding.  That’s what I get for writing my stream of consciousness.  So there you have it.  I need to pull my shit together.  So here’s my personal question for the day: How do I step into my own when I’m not sure what space I want to step into?

That’s it for now I guess.  We’ll see how things turn out.  Peace.

Beginning of February Update

As per usual, I have been bad about updating this blog.  Things have actually been moving right along and I have been getting a lot done on my thesis.  I defended my thesis almost a month ago.  I reworked the sections that my committee had concerns about and now I have a wicked awesome final draft if I do say so myself.   I have the appropriate paperwork filled out and just sent a copy to the school for formatting review.  They just want to make sure that I used the correct citation style and was consistent throughout the entire paper.  Once the format is approved, my professor is going to read through the changes I have made.  If she likes it, then I am officially D-O-N-E!  I can upload an electronic copy of my thesis to the library and all I have to do is sit around and wait until May 4 when I graduate.  I am SO excited!!  It’s so close!!

Related to my thesis edits, I have also been getting my ducks in a row for the Midwest Sociological Society conference that’s happening at the end of March.  I will be presenting a portion of my thesis findings at a session about “Contemporary Applications of Erving Goffman,” who is the theorist I rely heavily on in my thesis.  I have to write a 8-10 page conference paper and put together a power point.  The school does not help out much for students who go to conferences (which is a rip if you ask me).  If I had to cover all of my travel costs to minneapolis, it would have been $500 for 4 nights in a hotel room and $300 for a round trip plane ticket.  I am riding up with one of the other grad students (which will only cost me gas money), rooming with another professor (for pretty much free, she gets more funding than grad students do), and just found out that I will be able to recieve $200 in funding from the department.  All in all, this trip is going to be awesome.  I’m getting super excited.  I’ve never been to Minneapolis, I’m hoping to have a lot of down time to hang out in the area and do fun stuff.  I may be on my own for a while so I’m also hoping to meet some cool people while I”m there.

Other than thesis stuffs, I have been thinking about the search for the “big girl job.”  I updated my resume and have an “informational interview” scheduled with my Mom’s boss. She knows a ton of people in the non profit sector in Kansas City and I’m hoping she can give me some ideas of where to start my job search or even drop my name to a couple of people.  I’m not exactly sure what to expect with this “informational interview,” but I’m excited to be able to start a dialogue with somenone who has been working in an area that I may be interested and get some ideas about where to go from here.

Things are definately looking up.  I wrote at the beginning of the year that I am excited for 2012 because it HAS to be different.  I am graduating in May so I will not have school to worry about anymore.  If all goes according to my master plan, I will graduate, have a job lined up before summer, and be able to move out of the parents’ house by sometime this fall.  I can’t remember ever being this excited about my immediate future.  My goals and ideas have always seemed so far off, but things are coming together and I am ridiculously optimistic about the whole thing.  That’s sayin something, I’m usually optimistic, but this is different.  My goals, even if they are not hugely specific, are going to be realized and in 6 months, I am going to be in a completely different space in life.  I am itchin to grow up, move out, and move on and FINALLY I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Happy February. Wish me luck!

The Artist

Over the weekend I went with a couple of friends to see The Artist.  I had heard a lot about it, and the more I heard, the more intrigued I became.  I jumped at the invitation to see it, and it was a jump well worth it.  The Artist is easily one of the best movies I’ve seen, maybe ever!  Here’s why:

First, it’s unique.  Lately I have been attracted to all things new, different, artsy, and unique.  I am tired of the same old shit (probably a byproduct of my boring grad school fueled desire for major change), and the artist was a refreshing change of pace at the movies.  It’s a silent movie about a silent movie actor.  The look and feel was right in line with the actual silent movies of the late 20′s and early 30′s.  I was surprised at how aware I was at the beginning of the movie that there was no dialogue, but at how easily I got into the movie once I started really paying attention to the story.  Artistically, The Artist was fantastic!

Secondly, and I’m not trying to be on my sociological high horse, there are all kinds of sociological implications about not only the storyline in the movie, but about the style of the movie itself.  I often don’t realized how much noise I deal with every day.  I miss so many things because I distracted by my environment, because I’m trying to do too many things at once, because I don’t really stop to pay attention.  With this movie, I was forced to focus on one thing, give it all of my attention, and I think I enjoyed it so much because all of the other crap going on fell to the background.  It felt nice to say that I focused on one thing, one character, one storyline, and I got more out of it because of that.

Not only does the outside crap get in the way of us really paying attention to what’s happening right in front of us, but it’s amazing to me how much we communicate with more than just the message we are trying to get across.  While there was not really long dialogues in the movie, I knew the story because of the way the actors used their body lanugage, their faces, their surroundings, to tell their stories.  In that way, I think the despair of the main character throughout the course of the movie became more pronounced because he did not literally say “Things are really looking bleak,” but rather he showed his emotion on his face.  His body language changed.  And that really resonated with me.   Maybe this is just because of the type of personality I have, I don’t know.  My point is, I connected with these characters on a more profound level than I have with any other movie characters in a really long time.

I would like to treat my afforementioned love for The Artist with a disclaimer: This movie may not be for everyone.  I was interested and I got into it, but if you aren’t on board with a silent movie, if you don’t really like to pay attention to those subtle things that I am so stuck on, then you may not like it as much as I did.  Regardless of whether or not this type of movie is for you, rest assured that Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo, who played the main characters, gave a phenomenal performances and are very deserving of all of the acclaim they have received.

That being said, I highly reccommend The Artist.  I said it before and I’ll say it again.  The Artist is hands down one of the best movies I have ever seen.  And that’s sayin something, my delight threshold is very low, but I feel like raving about how much I LOVED this movie.  It doesnt’ take much to amuse me, but I rarely feel so strongly about much of anything.  Go see The Artist and enjoy!

Master Stefanie

I am going to start this entry the same way I have started many many entries in the past.  I have been talking about how I want to blog more often, about how I have a lot going on, but then I don’t keep up to date.  Here is my update.  I have elected to update today for several reasons.  First, because some exciting stuff is going on in the world of Stefanie, and second because I am sitting in my office at school with NOTHING to do.  I have attempted to be more organized this semester and apparently it’s working because I have literally done everything that needs to be done this week.  So I waste time here on wordpress, and tell you my exciting news.

I defended my thesis on Tuesday, and I PASSED!!  My paper has been written now for a few weeks, I turned it in to a committee of professors who read it, and I gave a presentation on Tuesday afternoon to discuss the most important parts.  Presentation went really well.  My dad and my grandma came…aww… as well as a few other grad students and of course my committee.  I condenced 100pgs of my thesis into a 45 minute presentation and pretty much nailed it, aside from talking too fast and getting a little too exited with my hand motions, but that’s to be expected. Do you know me?  haha

Anyway, did the presentation, answered a few questions, and then I met with my committee to talk about presentation and my overall thesis.  All 3 professors agreed that they could tell that I busted ass (my words, not their’s) and that I had a great project.  Then they proceeded to tell me that I could collect more data, add some new comparisons, create some tables and visuals of my data, and that these things would make it a really great project…This is when I got a little nervous.  After the group of us talked, I left so that the committee could talk amongst themselves.  I was only outside for like 5 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity!  They called me back in and told me I passed!  Worst case scenario, they could have said that my project was not up to snuff and I would have to totally change it and may not be able to graduate in May. But I passed!  My advisor even bought a bottle of sparkling apple cider to celebrate and gave me a big hug.  It was cool to see her so excited for me, she has really pushed me hard over the last couple of months.  Before I’m 100%  finished, I am going to clean up a few things here and there just to make my thought process a little more clear.  Then I can submit it to the school of graduate studies so they can make sure I formatted everything correctly.  After that, I am D-O-N-E!  I fully expect that I am going to turn in my final final draft within the next month and then I won’t have to worry about it any more!

This is all very exciting!!  However, with no more thesis to worry about, now I am wondering what to do with myself.  I am still a TA so I’ll have some copies to make, some grading to do, and piddly things here and there, but my academic carreer is almost over and I’m not sure what I think about it.  I do have lots to do and lots to think about.  I have updated my resume, now I need to start the jobsearch and hopefully make some headway on the “big girl job” situation so I’m not high and dry come the end of the semester.  I’m thinking about all of these things, but they are considerably less stressful than finishing my thesis has been.  I have been so ready for so long to do something new and different and I finally have enough room to breathe and make those things happen.  I’m remaining entirely optimistic, but it’s just a little wierd.  I will be graduating.  FINALLY! 

Other than that, I am getting ready for the Midwest Sociological Society conference in Minneapolis MN coming up at the end of March.  I am going to present a chunk of my thesis there.  I have no idea how I’m getting there or how I’m going to pay for it, but I’m going so that’s exciting too.  Things are moving right along and I am in this new, content place.  This is good, but I have been so stressed out for so long that, again, I’m not sure what to do with myself.  I’m sure I’ll figure out something.  I always do.

So there you have it.  I can now put an MA after my name.  I feel so important! haha.  I don’t have the piece of paper yet, but it’s all but finalized.  I’ll definately keep everyone posted as graduation nears.  So what should I talk about next?  Shall I brief you on the results of my study?

Reflections on Entering 2012

This is kind of in line with my last entry, after my Garden State revelation.  I have been thinking the last couple of days about the new year.  I was considerably less pensive this holiday season that I usually am.  I am notorious for spending the last month of the year reflecting on how the year has gone and what I want to do in the next year.  I haven’t really done that until after Janary 1st.  I would of course like to think that I should make resolutions, but I haven’t written any down.  I have found that as much as I like to make lists, I actually get more done when I just do it instead of spending the time to write it down.  I think 2012 is going to be different, not because of my usual optimistic ideals, but because it HAS to be.  I am nearly done with school.  Whether I”m ready for it or not, I WILL finish my thesis and graduate in May, which means that I will HAVE to get a “big girl job” which means it will be easier to save money so it’s possible to move out of my parents’ house.  I almost feel like I don’t need resolutions because 2012 is sort of a built-in game changer or something.  I have been so ready for such a huge change for so long that I am convinced that 2012 is going to be amazing.  Stressful, busy, crazy, and intense for sure, but amazing nonetheless.  That’s where I’m at tonight.  I defend my thesis one week from today, and that will be the true starting point where all of this change is going to begin.  One more week, and I am free from my major academic responsibilities, and I am LOVING it!

…So What Do We Do?

I think my life just changed a little bit.  So much so that I turned on my computer at 12:30 in the morning so I could blog about it and talk it out.  For Christmas I hit the motherload of DVD’s, and one of the best ideas, if I do say so myself, was telling my brother that I wanted the Garden State/Say Anything combo pack from target.  He bought it and I just watched Garden State.  Great idea, great movie, great life-changing moment.

So I have always liked Garden State well enough, saw it a few times here and there, but the times were few and far between.  I asked for it for Christmas because it had been several years since I’ve seen it and I was kind of thinking “oh yeah, that’s a good movie I should own it…”  Anyway, since it has been so long, for one I had forgotten why I liked it so much.  What’s more, now that it’s been a few years since it came out (it came out the year I graduate high school), I was a little bit removed from the story.  Now, I am the same age as the main characters, and holy crap, I LOVE the movie so much more!!  I dont’ know if it’s because I feel like I can relate to the story better now that I am oh so familiar with this “quarter-life crisis” thing or what, but I am all sorts of up in arms and ready to change my world.

I think what I like the most is the ending, if you can really call it that.  I LOVE that it is so open-ended.  “…So what do we do?”  Whatever we want!  I feel like I have so many things that I still need to figure out, so many things that I need to decide, so many things to do, but damnit, I WANT to go somewhere that’s not here.  I’m not talking geographically, I’m not talking physically, but I want to do new things, create new, unique moments. I want to live my life.  I think this might have been a right place right time scenario with the movie.  I have been talking about changing things up and doing new things for a long time, but tonight have the gumption…

Every year and the end of December I always get really pensive.  I always think about the year that’s ending and the year that’s to come.  I always have the same high hopes, the same happy-go-lucky ideas about the “best year yet…” but since I’ve gone back to school for my master’s degree, 2011 turned out to be about the same as 2010, which turned out to be about the same as 2009.  2012, however HAS to be different.  I will defend my master’s thesis in January and commit to an extensive job search in Kansas City and Johnson County.  I will graduate in May.  I will have an MA next to my name in just a few short months!  I will get a big girl job.  I will move out of the parents’ house… This list goes on.  I have been itchin for so freakin long, and for the first time in a long time I can taste it and I’m ready for it!  All I have to do is act on it.

So has Garden State changed my life, or is my life changing so Garden State resonated with me more than it did the last time I saw it?  Not sure which is a more accurate description.  My point is this: 2012 WILL be new.  So what do we do?…

Christmas Week

Christmas Break is upon us and I have been trying to get myself into the Christmas spirit.  I talked last entry about wanting to make a photo project about the Christmas lights in the neighborhood.  I tried.  I seriously drove around the neighborhood at like 9:00 at night with my camera at the ready.  It was kind of a fail, not only because it’s hard to drive and take pictures at the same time, but because I really felt like a creeper =/ I didnt’ want my neighbors to think I was some kind of stalker or something so I only took a few pictures and then just drove around to admire the lights for myself.  One of my favorite scenes (which I didnt’ get a picture of) was a house that had a boat in the driveway.  The “ropes” for the sail were strung in blue lights, and there were 3 penguins in the back that looked like they were driving around in the boat.  Hillarious!  Anyway, here are a few pics that turned out ok.

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Sunday night a few of the other grad students and I got together for dinner at one of the grad students’ house.  I got REALLY excited about it.  I realized that this was the equivalent to my office party (minus the boss and the office slut and everything.  haha).  Anyway, it was SUPER nice to get together, have some wine, good conversation, good food, and hang out without having to discuss school.  It was really nice.

THEN, yesterday, I kind of when nuts.  I watched Home Alone AND Home Alone 2, all while baking and decorating sugar cookies.  It was kind of fun to decroate everything, but it was just me.  The parents were at work, my brother was sequestered in his room doing whatever it is that he does up there, so it was kind of a lonely afternoon, but at least I had cookies to show for it.  There aren’t many left.  Here’s a pic of my faves that are still waiting to be eaten.

Add that to all of the Christmas decorations inside our house and my boxing Rudolph pen and I am set!

It’s hard to believe that Christmas is, what, 5 days away…Where has December gone?  Where has the year gone for that matter?  I am trying to be in the moment and enjoy this holiday season.  It hasn’t been difficult because my delight threshold has become increasingly low. haha.  I guess in all seriousness, I’m cautiously excited for Christmas.  I still have a lot to think about, a lot to figure out, a lot to do, before the first of the year.  I figure I deserve a few days to relax and enjoy myself, so I’m going to take them, damnit!

So there it is.  Merry Christmas week!

December Update

Whew, I feel like I’ve been running a marathon this month!!  I haven’t updated recently, but a lot of things have been happening.  First and foremost, I am about 110% sure that my thesis is DONE!!!  Cover to cover, I have written 100 pages of thesis.  This weekend I am waiting for one of my professors to read it over and give me comments.  Once I have those comments, I’ll have have a week or so to work on them and move around a few things. Then by December 22, I will have the final FINAL draft to send out to my committee.  My defense is officially scheduled for January 10.  After that, I am a master! I’m so FREAKIN excited I don’ t know what to do with myself!!!  I have been working so long and so hard that it’s kind of awesome to see the finish line so close.  I’ll have so much free time when I’m finished, it’ll be amazing!

In addition to the thesis, it has been kind of a crazy month with the family.  My bro came home for Thanksgiving break and on the way his car died.  All out died, needs a new engine, is totally dead.  I picked him up from the side of the highway, the parents were able to get $150 off of the car and now my brother is carless.  Mom picked him up from campus last weekend so now over Christmas break, there are 4 people in the house sharing only 2 cars.  It’s kind of interesting.  It hasn’t been a big issue so far (although my bro has my car tonight because he’s at work), but I know it sucks for him because he feels like a huge burden.  It’s a little wierd for me because the parents haven’t been available when Danny needs to go places so taking my bro around kind of falls onto my shoulders.  Oh well, it is what it is.  We’re broke, but we’re managing.

In other news, Christmas is in like 9 days!  When the hell did that happen!!?  This year, I have been working  very hard to get into the Christmas spirit.  The Christmas presents I bought last week are already wrapped and are the only presents under the tree.  I have been watching all kinds of crappy, sappy, Hallmark Christmas movies.  Since the beginning of December, everytime I go shopping, I buy some eggnog.  When the bro and I were at Target and WalMart yesterday, we bought Giradelli peppermint bark, holiday flavors of hot chocolate, chocolate oranges, and mint chocolate cookies.  I have been so stressed out with my thesis over the last couple of weeks that I am really trying to enjoy the holiday season.  Between now and Christmas I am considering a photo project of sorts.  There are some aweosme decorations around the neighborhood every year, and a bunch of people go all out.  I’m thinking I might bring my camera around and see if I can get any good pictures.  That’s just a thought, a whim really.  More on that later.

Ok, now that I’ve bored you to death with my boring life update, I think I’ll partake of some of that hot chocolate or a cookie.  More later, I promise.  Stefanie out!